Monday, November 3, 2008


Not all of that political junk... I'm talking a real deal and upfront vote done by yours truly. I will even take the time to tell you why I chose to vote the way that I did. Sociologists, eat your heart out.

You may ask yourself, what exactly is the purpose of Halloween? Well, let me tell you. You spend VERY little money on your children's costumes and you send them out to beg for candy door to door (big ups for those who helped spend $5.77 billion. your money encouraged the creativity {or lack thereof} of this blog). Upon the candy arriving in your home, you immediately send them to bed, wait for them to truly be sleeping (none of this fake snoring junk), and quietly tip toe to the motherload.

Yes, there are full size candy bars in there too.

On a rating scale of 1-10 gold stars, here's the results:
  • Milky Way: 0 gold stars (as in none). The center gooey marshmallow crap is blanchable. You'd have to talk me into eating one of these if I was starving on a desert (or dessert island! how punny of me) island.
  • Tootsie Roll: 3 gold stars. I would give them a one because they're always the last to get eaten at our house. However, I gave them a three because I will eat them if desperate. Plus, they're classic. Not sugar babies classic; classic classic.
  • Kit Kat: 3 gold stars. I hate them and yet, without fail, I think that I might like them every year. So, 3 gold stars for succeeding in trickery.
  • Nestle Crunch: 1 gold star. The chocolate in these bad boys is something ferocious. I don't think that it's actually chocolate... it's something plastic-ier. And who came up with the idea to throw some Snap crackle pop into some plastic chocolate?
  • Hershey's Milk Chocolate: 5 gold stars. Mostly the stars are for effort, longevity (on the market), and everyone buys this brand for sm'ores. I'd give it a 3 for flavor, but, it's a classic classic.
  • Starburst: 8 gold stars. Honestly, judging this one is a bit more difficult. So many flavors to choose from! What to do? What to do. So, I went with an overall gold star effect. The delicious pinks outweigh the mildly bitter oranges and so forth. I also appreciate that these don't get stuck in your teeth. If you shove too many in your mouth at once, though, it does get trapped in that sneaky space down low between the back of your cheek and molars.
  • Dots: 1 gold star. This is another one of those desert island force feeding candies. However, they recieve one gold star since me brova and Husband like them. Personally, they taste like wax to me and take up to two weeks to brush outta the teeth.
  • Baby Ruth: 9 gold stars. I would give these a ten, but then I'd have to eat them in lieu of a meal. I just can't go there. I try to stay away from binging and purging. They're salty, crunchy, sweet center, perfection makes me smile with every bite. Nummy.
  • Skittles: 6 gold stars. They're definately edible. A little better than a medium (5 gold stars) because there truly is a difference between flavors. But, really, do you know ANYONE who's favortie candy is Skittles? Now, if I were scoring tropical skittles then the number would go way up. But, alas, these are the plain old skittles.
  • Milk Duds: 7 gold stars. I truly love carmel. LOVE. But these only recieved a 7 because they often taste out dated (what's up with the box for packaging?). And talk about getting stuck in your teeth! Every dentists' worst enemy.
  • Smarties: 4 gold stars. There is zero difference in flavor from color to color on these. Major loss of gold stars for that. I love that they're tart and, for some odd reason, they're Husband's favorite candy.
  • Lollipops, all types: 6 gold stars. My kids love lollipops and I think that it's due to their long-lasting-ness rather than they're flavor. Another bonus with these is if your mouth changes color. One more star for that brand. If you have gum in the center? Yo. Add another star.
  • Raisins: 0 stars (as in zilch). Who in the heck thought that rasins would be a fun treat for Halloween? Come on. At least go with goldfish; they have a fun shape. Raisins look like mouse turds. Now that I think about it, 0 stars and two thumbs down.
  • Reese's Peanut Butter Cups: 6 gold stars. These used to be my favorite candy and so I admit that I bumped them up for that factor alone. Now that I'm a bit older, I realize that whatever is supposed to be peanut butter in the center is some strange abberation calling itself peanut butter. Less stars for fibbing about the contents.
  • Twizzlers: 2 gold stars. What is this crap? Really? It certainly is no licorice rope. Those are real candy. I think these must be a close cousin to plastic-y Nestle Crunch.
  • M&M's (both with and without peanuts): 7 gold stars. These are so dependable. So reliable and consistent in there eat-ability. Not my most favorite, not my least favorite. Just smooth sailing M&M's.
  • Snickers: 9 gold stars. Growing up, my mom would buy these and then hide them from my brother and I. I'm pretty sure that I have some subconcious backlash from that which encourages me to like these more than they deserve. However, it's SO deep that I see nothing wrong with Snickers. Except that they make you fat if you eat too many. That's lame. Minus one star for fattness.
  • Now and Later: 3 gold stars. These are the KING of getting jammed in your teeth. However, it's easy to unlodge them - just get slobber all over your finger (whichever has the longest nail) and pop the bad boy up outta the tooth. The flavor of these is... meh. But what really made the stars go down is that they were handed out unit by unit. Now, when I was growing up, there were about 15 per package (each unit being individually wrapped within). So... did some people open up the package and hand out the units?? Minus stars for that.
  • Mr. Goodbar: 4 gold stars. I would give these more as the idea of peanuts within chocolate sounds tempting. But, again, the chocolate in these bad boys is a bit disarming. More like chalk-olate (the puns are just rolling forth today - I apologize).
  • Super Bubble: 7 gold stars. Automatically bubble gum gets a high star rating. It's pleasant, relaxing, and one can blow bubbles with it. I like to snap it myself. However, this particular brand very well could be the same company that put gum in baseball card packs. Powdery and short flavored, these lost points for lack of elasticity as well.
  • Dove chocolate, all types: 8 gold stars. I said dove. Isn't that enough explanation?
  • Body Parts gummy candy, all body parts: 1 gold star. The flavor is... none. The chewability is phenominally low for these tire-like boogers. 1 star for creativity. Reminds me a bit of Garbage Pail Kids.
  • CapriSun juice: 8 gold stars. I was really thirsty as we were begging from house to house. I chugged 2 of these. So extra stars for necessity and originality.
  • Werther's Original: 9 gold stars. There's something soothing and grandma-ey about these hard carmel flavored candies. ..sigh..

PLEASE join me in voting for your least favorite Halloween candy. The polls will close on the 10th so hurry and vote! You're allowed to vote for more than one nasty bit.