Sunday, November 18, 2007

Sunday News

I don't know if you've opened up your Sunday paper yet or not but I think that it made front page news. Alright, maybe it got shortened a bit and shoved into the back near some bad advertising and so all the more reason to share the news with you ;) We got word this week that all the paperwork for our adoption is done. It has been received in Liberia and all that we do now is sit on our hands while waiting for travel dates. Can you believe it!?!

And even more importantly, my fear is finally dying down. It felt like my prayers had been flying off to never never land. I was pretty sure that God wasn't listening because as our adoption of Big P has continued, my fear grew like an unswept dust ball (my mom calls them ghost turds) underneath the entertainment center. Lurking there it would show itself whenever a toy slid beneath the tv. One of the kids would slide their innocent hand beneath it and pull out a disgusting conglomeration of hair, dust, lint, and small garbage. And yet we all threw it back and it just grew bigger under there.

A few times when the adoption would come up, I'd paste on a fakey smile and pretend like I was happy. Or, in most cases, I would tell an unsuspecting victim the truth (and they would walk away shaken up and promising themselves to never again ask me about it how our adoption was going). And what a surprise, right? Who wouldn't be excited to adopt a 10yr old stranger with epilepsy from another country halfway across the world?

And so I prayed.
And prayed.
And prayed.

I guess that I've been afraid that it would all fall apart before my eyes. That he would have a seizure and die before I got there. That once he got home, I wouldn't be able to teach him jack (since he's 10 with no education he'll have to stay home until he can catch up with the kids his age). That he's mean to the littler kids because he'll be the oldest? Or that while I was down there, he'd dislike me or cry the whole time for his real mom or assume that all I am (being a white woman in Africa) is cash... that he wouldn't look to me as his momma. What if everything fails? WHAT IF!?!

And finally, for the first time, my heart is beating for this boy... for my son. Out of nowhere, I am suddenly ready to risk certain death for someone that I've never laid eyes on. I am ready to accept his unacceptance. I'm ready to hug him even if he doesn't hug back. I'm ready to teach him even if I suck at teaching and he doesn't want to learn. I'm ready to be his mom. And as crazy as it seems not only am I ready, I am excited!!

God has answered my prayers and he has filled me with an unexplainable love for Big P. Beyond understanding, beyond fear, beyond rationality. This is the love that God gives. This is the love that bubbles over from my heart... the love that I will get to share with my son. MY son. heehee!

10 comments:

Stephanie said...

Raq- I don't even know what to say. I just think your an awesome person, and I'm very excited for you. We cant wait to meet him on this side of the computer as well.

The Beast Mom said...

Is it too early to say Congratulations?

Congratulations! Very excited for the next leg of your family's adventure! You guys have BIG hearts. :)

-bm

southerngirlmusings said...

Congratulations that is such exciting news!!! Could your travel dates happen prior to Christmas? Blessings to you and yours.

Tabitha said...

Its about time! Mr. Cutie Big P has just been sittin' there waiting for his new momma and daddy to love him all up! You will be a fabulous mom to a 10 year old from Liberia. Simply and utterly fabulous!
To quote you, "Go God!". I cannot wait to meet your oldest son, Rach! You know that we love you and your WHOLE family so much....

Rebekah said...

Amen and congratulations for you. I'll keep you in my prayers. You have an incredible spirit.

mountain-quiltist said...

Rachel, all I can say is what I repeat to myself when the Big Scaries try to take over my head...it's the title of a little book I read, "Be Still and Know That I Am God"......He is God, and he has carried you, is carrying you, and will continue to carry you. Remind those Big Scaries that He is bigger than they are.
Can't wait til Mr. Cutie Patootie, Big P gets over here.
It's already OK.
Susan

Aly Cat 121 said...

dayum, that must be love. Cuz it's folks who don't feel that for their own flesh and blood.

Why you telling folks what they don't want to hear? *chuckle* I can only imagine the looks on folks faces.

Euphoria said...

Wonderful! I'm so happy for you and your family! It's all part of God's plan sweetheart- whatever will be, will be!

You're gonna do great- with the up and the downs.

Blessings to you and your family, as well as continued prayers!

Angie said...

YAY!! I am so glad that your waiting is almost over.
BTW..thanks for the link. See i call it Dangerous City for a reason. But I'm not going to post it cuz I don't want everyone getting any more clues on where I am.

Mrs. V said...

okay, I'm gonna post on this entry that is 15 months old. I am reading through "The Ghetto Quilter" from back to front because (a) she's a Liberian momma, just like I'm gonna be, and (2) I absolutely LOVE the way she writes, thinks and speaks. I hafta stop here because this entry captures my feelings EXACTLY at this point. From opposite sides of the States, I think we could be really cool friends if we lived closer to each other (at least that's my secret hope). Rock on, GQ!