Thursday, November 1, 2007


Miss B and my step mom

At the girls' school, some chica pushed down Miss B and told her, "Your hair looks stupid! And I know that that hair is fake!" My Miss B? The most docile, gentle, and pleasant little girl EVER!?! I was PEEa-SSED. It took me four hours to get those freakin extensions in and Miss B was proud of them. Yes, I know how to put extensions in.

So some little chica not only shoved my baby but she mocked my work? Oh no.

I asked what Miss B's response was to this madness. Her answer?
"Nothing. I cried after she pushed me on the ground."

GIRL! My arms were wavin' while I told her that "WE DON'T LET PEOPLE TREAT US THAT WAY." Poor baby thought that I was mad at her. Husband told me to exit the area in order to calm down (not that he was any better, grilling Miss B for the chica's name). So while I'm out of the room, Husband discovers that this junk happened on Friday. That would be five days ago? And Miss B, who's crying at the retelling of the story, says that she was too embarrassed to tell anyone.

I walk back in, hear the news and go off some more about how if Miss B doesn't tell us, then we can't help her. Husband gives me the 'look' and I shut up... for a minute.

But REALLY, who can be expected to act rationally under such circumstances? Had it been either of my other girls, well okay - I know that they have mouths and that they probably provoked it. But Miss B?? She's like a sitting duck for bullies. Quiet, gentle, soft hearted. GRRR.

So now we know who this chica is. My question for you folks, what would you do? Walk up to the girl and give her the who-ha? I told Miss B to avoid her at all costs and we prayed for the chica because (while I'd rather not remember) I think it says something about praying for your enemies in the Bible... But what now? Should I approach the kid? Kick her in the shins? Take her photo and put it up on the 'Elementary's Most Wanted' list?

this is me, preparing for battle


Raquel said...

Matt 5:44, "But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those that persecute you."

Euphoria said...

Awww... I'm so sorry for what happend to your little girl! And shocked that you know how to out in extensions! LOL

Nicole said...

You remind me of my own Mom. : ) Honestly - I stopped telling my Mom about all the times I got picked on at school - because she got more upset about the incident than I did. I took to protecting my Mom from my hurts.... I think the best you can do is to tough it out, commiserate with your sweet girl, and cry in the bathroom later when she can't see your heart breaking for her.

I would not trade a moment of my being teased for all the world - it has taught me compassion, and I try harder to include everyone than I would have if I did not know what it was like to be on the outside.

For my own kids - both boys are in kindergarten - I pray that they have at least one good friend at school, that they will love and trust God with their whole hearts - and that I do not care what they suffer in this life, as long as they spend an eternity in His presence, glorifying Him....

I feel for you - no amount of my being teased ever hurt so much as when my son came home telling me no one would play with him at recess. The next time I dropped him off at school, we prayed in the car that God would help him have fun at recess - and when he came home that day he was hyper because recess had been so much fun! God had provided him with friends - and proved Himself the answer-er of even tiny 4 year old prayers....

Hope that helps some!

Tabitha said...

Let's go kick booty!! Stupid girl! I can provide a posse of 3 and a half boys and one big Brasilian. I can also bring the neighbor boys and some other big boys from soccer. Let's go scare the poo out of that girl!

mountain-quiltist said...

Aw Raquel, my heart goes out to you. Miss B is handlin in, but I know you took all those comments and hurts to heart. Hugs, dear friend. I think that Nicole's advice is spot-on. I think one other thing you might do, is let the school know and ask them to keep an eye on the little girl who gave Miss B grief...she might need an intervention (lol) of some sort.
Girl, I'm proud of you learnin extensions! you go!

Anonymous said...

Poor girl! My advice comes from the teacher side of me, not the mom side. I would be very careful about confronting the girl yourself. Obviously you're not actually going to lay the smack down, but even just talking to her could cause you more harm than good(girl tells her mom, mom confronts you, or tells school, etc I know my principal would have a problem with a parent talking to another parent's child, plus the fact that you don't know the child, and therfore she could make up huge lies about what you actually said, or her mom could be as crazy as her and be scary!) The other thing is, that as much as you want her to be defended, I will tell you at my school if there is an altercation, it is almost always the one fighting back that gets caught. There is the commotion, this gets everyone's attention, and although child A started it what the teacher sees is CHild B's response, and even if the teacher KNOWS Child A started it, if they see child B do something in return they will be either the only one to get punished, or will be punished equally to the one that started it. Miss B getting suspended isn't worth it! And I'm not saying she would punch back, but even her just talking back could provoke child A to get more physical, which would lead to both of them getting in trouble. That and yeah, turn the other cheek I think is generally the way to go with things--sucky as it can be sometimes! But I would definitely tell the school, espescially if this child is in her class. The are so many places at school where bullying can happen behid closed doors(bathrooms, luncroom, recess), if this is a girl Miss B has regular contact with you want the school to be aware and keep her away from her. There are a few different combos of kids I do not let into the bathrooms together, within 10 people of each other in line, etc. because of problems they have had. And I can NOT wait for you to go to Liberia. You are going to LOVE IT!!!!

Angie said...

God it is soo hard to see our kids get picked on, and it's even harder to not to want to smack the kid. Olivia is a lot like Miss B.
My advice is, because the girl pushed her down, I would talk to the principal. If she had just said the mean stuff, I might let Miss B deal with it in her own way, but because this girl actually put her hands on her, it requires higher intervention.
Poor baby, and poor mommy..I know you are traumatized

southerngirlmusings said...

Sorry this happenned to Miss B and like others a chat with the teacher/principal is in order due to the physical nature of the offense.

I hope you don't mind me asking, but why did you put extensions in her hair?

Dawne said...

I'm so sorry! :( I got picked on pretty bad at school, too. I did have some really great friends, though, and that helped make up for it a lot.

Raquel said...

I'm sorry too. I hate that I can't fix all wounds!

I'm pretty sure that that's why she told my husband and not me... I walked into the middle of their conversation. My brother and I were/are crazy loyal and it always made me feel safe knowing that he would take care of me... maybe I should back off a bit?

Wanna??? It's very tempting!

I did let her teacher know, but there isn't anything that they can do at this point. Miss B has got to learn to tell someone!! Mostly I was freaking out because it shows that she hasn't come as far as I had hoped (as far as growth and dealing with problems). But it aint over yet!

So you're saying that I shouldn't karate chop her in the head? I would love to hear more about the kids that you have to keep apart.. what is the typical personality?

I AM traumatized! Although I am also laughing... if this girl knew how I blogged about her and we're all chatting about it!

The friend of mine who was in town was teaching me a new technique. I did it on Miss F and so, of course, Miss B wanted them too. It's the latch hook style. NOT something I normally do but also something that I wasn't willing to pass up on ;)

What do you think is the best reaction for a parent under these circumstances?

Lisa said...

On vacation I watched some little boy take a water gun from my son, then shoot him in the eyes with the water gun. My son was crying and the kid wouldn't stop. So I went up to the kid and I yelled at him, "You DON'T DO THAT TO A LITTLE KID. WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU! Give the gun back. NOW!" His mom was completely clueless and the rest of the time spent at the pool, she shot me dirty looks and I shot her those, "BRING IT ON LADY! COME ON!" Looks. I'm normally not like that. But when it comes to someone hurting our kids, it brings out those fighting instincts, doesn't it?

The pray for thine enemies is a very good idea. We told Seth that if someone is picking on him to look them in the eye and say in a very firm voice, "Stop it. NOW!"

Later on in the vacation, some little asshole did pretty much the same thing. And he screamed at them. The kid, who was a few years older dropped the gun and ran away. It was quite a lesson for him. :-)

BUt I feel for your sweet, gentle little girl. And I'm so impressed that you know how to put in extensions. How COOL!

Dawne said...

I just wanted my mom to listen, and give me a hug :)

Anonymous said...

There are a few kids in my class I wouldn't mind karate chopping in the head, but it probably wouldn't turn out too good.
This year I have two sets of boys I have to keep apart from each other, and one boy who has to be kept apart from 3 different girls. The first set of boys are just goofy, and when they are together they end up doing things like playing tag in the boys' bathroom, throwing wet paper towels so they stick to the ceiling, etc. The second set of boys are "friends" and yet one of the boys is a bully, and has befriended this other kid because he lets him pick on him. After he ended up poking a hold in his cheek with a safety pin(which they both claim was accidental, but whatever) I decided that they could no longer be alone together. The bully still ends up pushing the other kid occasionally, but that boy always says they are just playing, so the principal won't do anything about it. So I just do my best to keep them separated. Then there is the boy/girls and this is a case where the boy is CRAZY annoying, and needs ALL KINDS of attention. So he will do things to get a rise out of the girls, just for the attention. There are very few people he can be near w/o a guaranteed fight. All three of the girls are tough, not taking any crap types, so they fight back. He basically is placed strategically in the line between two of my girls that will speak up if he does something, but won't punch him in the face. He is not allowed in the bathroom with anyone else unless I am in there(yes, teachers are required to go in and out of the bathrooms to make sure nobody is fighting). So, that's that.

Jeromy said...

Careful, you might end up on the evening news like those sports parents who charge the field and tackle a seven year old. :-). It is soooo tempting, though.

Jonathan Brink said...

I just wonder what you'd discover if you really did help Miss B love that girl back. Love has a way of standing up and saying, "No matter what you do, YOU cannot change who I am." It's very subversive.

tAnYeTTa said...

i loved this:
***Husband gives me the 'look' and I shut up... for a minute.

Take her photo and put it up on the 'Elementary's Most Wanted' list?***

You are reacting the same way any other mom would in this situation. I'm always the one in my house putting my wig on backwards, looking for my tennis shoes trying to go fight for my babies. That's what I do :)

p.s. how's miss B????? is she ok?

Dancer said...

Sorry, I'm late on this. This reminds me of when I was a new girl in school (3rd grade). There was this girl who didn't even know me and everyday she would call me a b--ch. I was so afraid to tell the teacher. I told the teacher and she made me tell her what the girl was calling me, she shared some very special words of encouragement, then she went and got the girl out of her class and made her apologize and she lectured her right in front of me. We eventually became friends.

My little girl got teased in preschool by a little girl with issues and more than likely, the kids that tease have issues at home and really do need prayer and a friend. When my peanut was teased I used it as an opportunity to tell her a few things:

1. Your teacher is your advocate. I encouraged her to tell her teacher.
2. I told her to firmly say "NO, I don't like that" then walk away. I made her practice. She doesn't have to take the behavior and the other person needs to know what they did.
3. She would keep playing with her and kept getting teased so I would tell her that she can be kind to her, but she doesn't have to play with her. We don't have to be friends with everyone, but we need to love everyone.
4. We prayed for her and her family.

If you did anything, she would most likely end up being teased again and you aren't at school to protect Miss B. But the teacher and principal are there to protect her daily.

Rebekah said...

LOL, I love the picture you posted with this.
Something about messing with ones family seems to set Mamas on fire.
The neighbor boy sent Gracie into the house crying the other day because he said he was going to shoot her. It was a plastic gun so I just went out and asked him not to scare Gracie anymore. He kept doing it so I sent him home.

Its hard to do the Christ like thing sometimes, especially when a mother is protecting a child.
Great scripture, too