confessions

This morning was fairly uneventful ~ minus having Miss Brazil over for coffee. She didn't want short bread cookies at 9am. Weirdo. Now, tell me if I'm wrong but don't short bread cookies sound yummy. I'll think I'll go get one....

Or two. They're a little stale from sitting out but I'm not picky at 10:30pm.

And then Husband got home a bit early and so he went to pick the girls up from school. The neighborhood kids asked him if he would take them to the park for a round of soccer.
"Sure." replies Husband.
"Right now!?!" asked neighborhood kid
"Well, not nooowwww... But how about after a bit? I have to go home and talk to my wife"
"But will you come over and get us because my dad wants to know that you'll be there with us."
"Okay, but it won't be for a bit."
"How long is a bit?"
And the conversation goes on from there but I'm too lazy to type it out and it's kinda boring anyhow.

The part that matters is still coming.

So husband takes all of the kids to the park and I'm left to my own devices. What should I do??? I know! Go to the grocery store all by myself! And I grabbed Husbands keys because he has a stick and that sounded fun. That didn't sound appropriate. Get your mind out of the gutter! I made myself a cup of afternoon coffee because I'm an addict and I climbed into the car. Turned the key. Nothing. Turned the key again. Nothing. So I went inside to call Husband for help. He told me to try again. Then it started.

"Please take the other car just in case." he requested.

I didn't. I wanted to drive the stick but I didn't tell him of my evil intentions. So off me and my coffee went to the grocery store where everybody knows my name. I chatted with the clerks (I'm pathetic) and stole some samples from the Starbucks girl with a giggle (that's me: the dork) and had a marvelous time. But I figured that I'd better be getting home to make the dinner that I had just purchased.

Turned the key. Nothing. Turned the key 5,000 more times. Nothing nothing nothing.

I REALLY didn't want to call Husband for help. I should have taken his advise in the first place, but since I hadn't, I REALLY didn't want to call him.... he would rub it in. So I turned the key with my arm lifted a little higher, with the e-brake off, with less pressure on the key, more pressure on the key, ect. But then my hair was irritating THE POO outta me and so I needed a brake. Leaning back in the seat, I noticed the Korean ladies.

Now, this isn't your average group of Korean ladies. They are older (like great grandmas) and they hang out in front of the grocery store in the late afternoon. They use their secret language (that would be Korean) to chat about me every time that I walk by them. You think I'm paranoid? I'd like to see you up against this group! They don't mind if they stare and point at you while that chat about you. Alright, that may be stretching it a bit but I really want to impress a point.

The ladies were watching all of this go down. They were chattering and staring at me, probably taking bets on how long that I would hold out before I called Husband. This made me more embarrassed. I tried to talk myself out of being embarrassed and here's what I came up with:

1. Everyone's car breaks down eventually
2. It's okay to ask for help even when you're an idiot

And that was it; but it was enough to get me to call Husband (this was about 30 minutes after I was done shopping). So I went and called him from the pay phone old school style and they overheard everything that I said to him. It was humiliating. Their eyes followed me to the car as I propped up the hood and climbed back into the drivers seat. I'm pretty sure that they were saying, "Look at that redhead! She thought that she had scored the best spot in the parking lot when she got here with that big smile on her face. She's not smiling, now, is she?" And then they would all laugh. This is when I tried to talk myself out of being embarrassed about everyone knowing that my car was broken... But I wasn't able to and so I just pretended like it was cool.

1. I chewed on the invisible cuticle
2. I cleaned out the non-dirt from under my fingernails.
3. I tried to reinstall the rear view mirror that hadn't been mounted since we replaced the windshield.
4. I ate some wheat thins
   
5. I nonchalantly hung my bare foot out of the window (This was shortly after noticing that the car was beginning to smell of rotten pears and then realizing that it was coming from my feet... What? It was hot!)
   
6. I went through my purse, looking for that one pretend thing
7. When it wasn't there, I looked for it in my wallet
8. And then I looked for the pretend thing on the car floor
9. I can't believe that I'm admitting this to you.

And then Husband showed up and pushed the car to another part of the parking lot to work on it. I'd like to think that this was for my benefit of staying out of the ladies eye-shot. But that isn't possible because I hadn't told him about them. Because if I had, then he'd know how weird that his wife truly is.